Everybody Be Cool

Fear.

That's the problem.

Fear of the known.
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of being different.
Fear of being the same.
Fear of God.
Fear of no God.
Fear of death.
Fear of life.
Fear of each other.
Fear of ourselves.
Fear of things we don't want to talk about.
Fear of things we shout about.
Fear of being called out.
Fear of being found out.
Fear of being judged.
Fear of being ignored.
Fear of losing power.
Fear of the dark.
Fear of the light.

We're not evil, we're scared. We're tiny, barely evolved creatures who haven't existed on this planet long enough to have any idea what we are doing. We're frightened of our own shadows. And as a result, we take it out on each other. Daily. Every time we look around, someone has let fear get the better of them again,. The fear has made them lash out with primitive violence, like a cornered animal. We like to think that just because we have computers in our pockets and footprints on the moon that we're smarter than we really are. The truth is, we don't have the answers and it petrifies us. To the point where we become capable of perpetrating unspeakable violence and horror on each other. When people let fear dictate their actions, things like the Holocaust, 9/11, Columbine, Ferguson, San Bernardino, and Orlando happen. And fear of the "next time it happens" will only cause us to mistrust and misunderstand the person next to us even more, which will only make us more afraid of each other, and the cycle of violence will start all over again. We have so far to go as a species, with so much potential, but the only way we are going to survive is to realize that we are all a part of something bigger, and we are all a part of it together. More guns won't fix our problems any more than less guns will. Stock up on assault rifles and armor piercing rounds if you want, or round them all up and melt them all down into paperweights, the outcome will still be the same. Guns or no guns, as long as we let fear rule our lives, we will continue to find new and creative ways to kill each other.

The only way any of this will go away is to stop being afraid.

People will say I'm naive for believing this, that human nature will never overcome our neanderthal-like desire to attack the things that terrify us. No, we can do it. We just choose not to. Instead of choosing to accept a different point of view, we massacre people in Paris. Instead of choosing to be tolerant of a different system of belief, we round people up into camps and exterminate them. Instead of accepting people who love who they love, we slaughter them inside a night club. Instead of sharing, we hoard. Instead of inviting, we shun. Instead of listening, we refuse to hear. We are all to blame for perpetuating systems of fear that spew rhetoric claiming one side is better than the other, that only people of this particular skin color or that particular view of the universe are valid. We're doing it wrong. All of us. And we need to stop. We need to take advantage of the gift of self-awareness that we've all been granted and stop acting like animals.

We need to stop killing each other and start acting like human beings.

It's not going to be easy. It's not going to happen overnight. It may not happen in our lifetimes. We are fighting against thousands of years of tradition, myth, dogma, and rhetoric. We live in a time when the best leaders we can find only care about telling us who and what to be afraid of. We live in an age of online screaming matches and an "us vs. them" mentality that has seeped into every corner of our lives. But it can't be allowed to continue. If it does, we are doomed as a species. The Fermi Paradox will be proven correct and we will become the cause of our own Great Filter.

Under One Roof

In this house...

I watched a lot of Netflix.

I grilled a lot of steaks.

I threw parties.

I made a movie.

I kissed the love of my life for the first time.

And I asked her to marry me. 

I will always love this house for the things it gave me. 

But most of all, I love that it gave me a home.

And wherever she goes, I follow.

Music Composed and Conducted by...

James Horner is dead. To say I am heartbroken is to say water is wet. He was not necessarily a household name, nor was he someone I know or have even met, but his death hits me like a thunderbolt. Horner was the composer for too many film scores to name in full, but just a cursory glance at his resume speaks volumes about his talent: Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. Titanic. Aliens. Field of Dreams. Braveheart. Apollo 13. Avatar. The Rocketeer. An American Tail. All classics, all with scores overflowing with richness and vibrance, the music soaring with urgency and emotion. Horner had a style that was instantly recognizable (and some critics would say almost to a fault), but that is what drew me to his works. His score for the 1980 Roger Corman-produced Star Wars-knockoff Battle Beyond the Stars was a watershed moment for me. It was the first score I remember humming outside of a movie theater that wasn't part of George's much larger and more recognizable space opera. Sure, I was drawn to the Williams-esque cues that tried hard to evoke the same sense of space fantasy grandiosity on a much smaller budget. Horner would later mention in an interview that it was his least favorite score because of the tiny, inexperienced orchestra he had to work with. But to the 8 year-old me who heard it first on the big screen, it sounded plenty epic enough. From that moment on, whenever Mr. Horner's name appeared in the credits, my ears took notice. As I got older and began developing a deeper appreciation for films, I sought his scores out. I scoured the movie boxes at the video store I worked at to find his name. I tried to find magazine articles or book mentions of him, which was no easy task in the pre-internet days. In high school I used to keep index cards in my desk where I would write down the names of films I discovered he had written the scores to. So many weird and wonderful films, some great, some terrible, but all possessing his trademark sound. Brainstorm. Krull. Deep Impact. Willow. Glory. Off Beat. batteries not included. 48 Hours. Volunteers. Once Around. Cocoon. Class Action. Searching for Bobby Fischer. Whenever I visited a new town, I would venture to their mall's music stores and flip through the soundtrack section in the hopes of finding an unheard Horner score to add to my collection. I probably own close to 30 of his 100-plus scores, some to films I've never even seen. But I know their music like the back of my hand. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is about his music that affects me so much, it's all subjective, but it just does. His music has inspired me, moved me, enriched my life, and touched me in a way that great art is supposed to. I've spent countless hours listening to his music, and it has always been a dream of mine to write a film worthy of his music and have him grant me the honor of writing the score for it. Sadly that will never come to pass, but his staggering body of work will continue to inspire countless film lovers and filmmakers for as long as there are movies. Thank you, Mr. Horner. It has been an honor listening to you. 

Gone Phishing

This morning I got a phishing email that was sent from an old friend's obviously hacked email account, so I decided to have some fun. I just wish I could see "Kim's" reactions to my replies.

From: Kim Fagan (and her hacked email account)

To: Michael S. Cunliffe
Sent: Tuesday, March 3, 2015 7:23 AM
Subject: From Kim Fagan.................Help

I really hope you get this fast. I could not inform anyone about our trip, because it was impromptu. we had to be in Philippines for Tour..The program was successful, but our journey has turned sour. we misplaced our wallet and cell phone on our way back to the hotel we lodge in after we went for sight seeing. The wallet contained all the valuables we had. Now, our passport is in custody of the hotel management pending when we make payment.

I am sorry if i am inconveniencing you, but i have only very few people to run to now. i will be indeed very grateful if i can get a short term loan from you ($1,950). this will enable me sort our hotel bills and get my sorry self back home. I will really appreciate whatever you can afford in assisting me with. I promise to refund it in full as soon as soon as I return. let me know if you can be of any assistance. Please, let me know soonest.

Kim Fagan, M.D.

From:  Michael S. Cunliffe

To:  Kim Fagan
Sent: Tuesday, March 3, 2015 10:28 AM
Subject: Re: From Kim Fagan.................Help

I can't believe you have the nerve to ask me for help after what you did the last time we saw each other.  Have you no shame? I REPEATEDLY screamed our safe word and you continued to use the bullwhip. You ripped my heart into a thousand pieces and you have the gall to ask me for money? I might be willing to help you and give you one last chance if you tell me you are sorry and that you'll give up the crazy dream of becoming a professional tennis instructor. You're a doctor, Kim, you don't just throw all that aside like you did with me. And I know you went to the Philippines for your sex re-re-reassignment surgery, don't lie. You need cash so you can get that third penis you've always wanted. Fine, I will help you, but only because I want to see you dress like a lumberjack this Christmas. Where should I send the money?

Mike

From: Kim Fagan

To: Michael S Cunliffe

Sent: Tuesday, March 3, 2015 10:56 AM
Subject: Re: From Kim Fagan.................Help

Thanks for the prompt response...You can have the money wire to us via western union, All you need is the name on my passport and present location below:


Name: Kim Fagan Location: 1618 .M. hiron street Cruz 1004, Country: Manila Philippines
Once you are done with the transfer kindly get back to me with the western union Money Transfer Confirmation Number (MTCN)to pick up the money with my valid passport and get back home on time, Let me know if you are heading to the western union NOW?

Thanks

Kim Fagan

From:  Michael S. Cunliffe

To:  Kim Fagan
Sent: Tuesday, March 3, 2015 10:28 AM
Subject: Re: From Kim Fagan.................Help

I don't think you're hearing me, Kim. I'm not doing this for you, I'm doing it for your soon to be attached penis(es). So you better appreciate all the money I am going to send you. But I need a sign, a gesture, SOMETHING that lets me know you still care. Unless you can prove to me you still love me, you won't be getting any of this money. I await your response.

Mike

From: Kim Fagan
To: Michael S Cunliffe
Sent: Tuesday, March 3, 2015 11:38 AM
Subject: Re: From Kim Fagan.................Help

Yes I love you very much...I am freaked out here at the moment. Please keep me posted with the transfer details once done.

I owe you alot

Kim Fagan

From:  Michael S. Cunliffe

To:  Kim Fagan

Sent: Tuesday, March 3, 2015 11:58 AM
Subject: Re: From Kim Fagan.................Help

Oh, come on, Kim, don't take that dismissive tone with me. You know full well it's that kind of abuse that makes me hate you. You don't want to turn out like your mother, do you? I didn't think so. I suppose I should be honest with you. Your mother told me right before she died that she never loved you, she always wanted a son and you were her biggest disappointment. But I kept it from you because I know how hard you would take it. But then again, you're always strong, you can handle anything. Which is why it is so odd that you would send me a message for help. I think I need to teach you a lesson. You need to get out of this jam yourself. It might be hard for you to see it now, but this is for your own good. Anyway, I don't have time for this, I'll be leaving the country soon, I have all that Nazi gold to bury and the corpse of Eleanor Roosevelt to reanimate. Have fun in the Philippines! I'll send you a postcard when I find that Vietnamese prostitute that stole my soul back in the 70s. She still insists that she doesn't have it, but I know she does, I showed it to her before I put on the tooth fairy costume and robbed that old lady of her meth. Ironic, no? Meth makes you lose teeth, Kim, but you know that better than anyone, what with the dentist you strangled to keep her from blabbing about the inheritance money you swindled her out of. I don't blame you, if I saw a couple of incisors coming at me in the dark after all the LSD we took, I'd strangle anything that moves. It's like that time in Mexico when we crashed your car into the monastery and burned all the monks to keep warm. Good times, Kim, good times. Can't put a price tag on those memories. They're worth a lot more that $1950. That should be payment enough, don't you think?

Mike

From: Kim Fagan

To: Michael S Cunliffe
Sent: Tuesday, March 3, 2015 12:04 PM
Subject: Re: From Kim Fagan.................Help

Now you shouldn't see this as a joke....you and i know i will need my passport ID to pick up the money at the western union outlet. I told you my present predicament and you are there asking me questions. my return flight leaves in couple of hours from now and am seriously having problems with the hotel manager. He has never been nice to me since the day i got mugged.

I want you to know its me and FYI i will never give my password to any one. I'm writing to you now with bruises all over my head. Kindly head out to the western union to wire the money to my name and my present location so that i can sort out my bills and start coming back home before i miss my return flight. I promise to pay back as soon as am back home today.

As soon as it is done, Kindly get back to me with the western union confirmation details. 

I owe you a lot.

Kim Fagan

From: Michael S. Cunliffe

To:  Kim Fagan
Sent: Tuesday, March 3, 2015 2:04 PM
Subject: Re: From Kim Fagan.................Help

Okay, you're right. It's not a joke. I'm sorry for making fun of you. I can understand how hard it is to deal with your situation. It reminds me of that time in Guam when we carjacked that busload of school kids and used them as human lawn darts. We tied the littlest one to that sharpened pole-vaulting pole and launched her into the air with that catapult we made with the bungee cords and the last nitrous oxide tank we hadn't used up. You lit the fuse with the one burning monk that was still on fire and we watched as our makeshift missile shot straight into the sky. It arced over the refinery, then plummeted back to earth, where the pole landed with a loud "SHLURP" into the soft mud of the riverbank. Next time we have to remember to tie the kids to the poles with their heads pointed away from the pointy end so that they land right side up. Ah well, live and learn. But I'll never forget that drunk homeless guy who saw the whole thing and called the cops, which pissed you off so bad you shot him with the German Luger you stole from the fat Armenian guy back at the opium den. Worst MLK Birthday ever. And I'll tell you the same thing now that I told you then, when it comes to black tar heroin, Guam is not a buyer's market. I don't know why I let you convince me otherwise. I bet the bruises we got from the beatings we endured on that trip are just like the ones you have now. See, Kim, it all comes full circle. Life's funny that way. Look, I could go on for days about the adventures we had together, but you've got a plane to catch. I was going to send you the money through Western Union, but I wasn't sure if you wanted US dollars or Mexican Pesos? I may have to go the bank if you need the Pesos, but I know how much prettier you think their money is. Actually, would Swiss francs be okay? I still have that big stack of them you left on my nightstand right next to the skull of Danny Kaye you got me when I graduated Phoenix University. Just let me know which you prefer!

Mike

From: Michael S. Cunliffe

To:  Kim Fagan
Sent: Tuesday, March 3, 2015 4:44 PM
Subject: Re: From Kim Fagan.................Help

You didn't respond to my last email, is everything okay?  I still want to send you the money, just tell me what currency you need it in!

Mike

From: Kim Fagan <kimfaganmd@yandex.com>
To: Michael S Cunliffe <mcunliffe@sbcglobal.net>
Sent: Tuesday, March 3, 2015 5:21 PM
Subject: Re: From Kim Fagan.................Help

please all needed is $1950…

Kim Fagan

From: Michael S. Cunliffe

To:  Kim Fagan
Sent: Tuesday, March 3, 2015 10:48 PM
Subject: Re: From Kim Fagan.................Help

Okay, Kim. I’ve given it a lot of thought and I’ve decided that this will be our last correspondence. It’s not me, Kim, it’s you. You’ve just become so distant lately. Your last minute jaunts to far-off destinations, soliciting people for money at all hours of the night, getting smacked around by abusive hotel managers… We used to dream about those things together, Kim, don’t you remember?  All those crazy late nights we spent smuggling fake Levi’s jeans into Russia to in the late 1980s.  There we were, a thousand miles behind the Iron Curtain, freezing our asses off inside some dingy tractor trailer in subzero temperatures just so we could scam those poor Ruskie teens with knock-off 501s we got wholesale from that gypsy woman you used to know back in Tangiers. I looked over at you in the night air, with nothing between us and the harsh Soviet wasteland except a cracked windshield and said, “When we get back to civilization, I’m booking the two of us a one-way ticket to the Philipines!” But that dream never came true, Kim. Once we got back to the U.S. you took our life savings and gave it all to the Scientologists.  Sure, you reached OT Level 9, met Xenu, and can bend spoons with your mind, but did you ever stop to think what would do to me? My body thetans were never going to be able to keep up with yours, you have too many midicholrians. And those drunken orgies at the Celebrity Center were murder on my soul and my liver. I don’t know what hurts more, the fact that Tom Cruise still calls you, or that John Travolta still pronounces my name correctly.  But I don’t have to rehash all the details, you know damn well this is what forced us apart. And now, here we are, decades later, and you throw it in my face that you are out there enjoying our shared paradise with somebody else. I guess I should have known that Reagan’s America was too good to last and when the Berlin Wall came crashing down, so did any chance of us making it. You were once the Glasnost of my heart, but this is where I draw the line. Say goodbye, Kim, and say goodbye to my $1950. You will just have to find your way home alone. As we all do. 

Mike